Snow Day

There is nothing like playing out in the snow

... under a Daddy-made snowstorm

... being silly with Mommy

(who tried to show me how to make snow angels but I'd rather just lie there)...

... until my nose gets all red and I can't feel my cheeks. Time to go in!

The Big Apple

We're off to New York City for a few days! We're going to do a bit of sightseeing, some home decor shopping, some secret missioning, some birthday celebrating, and hopefully getting to meet Mrs.Limestone for coffee & chat. I love meeting fellow bloggers and she is one of my faves.
Last time I was in New York, I was pregnant (though I didn't know it) and this time I will be child-free (but definitely missing my little Chloe!). It will be the first time we've left her behind. Wish Grandma & Grandpa luck... these days, Chloe is exerting her rights as a toddler by refusing to eat, refusing to sleep, throwing things, and leaving a trail of messiness behind her. At least potty training is going quick and easy so that's a silver lining!

I must admit I will enjoy these few days without the babe. You know, carefree days where we don't have to worry if the restaurant has a high chair, where we schedule our sightseeing around nap time, and tuck ourselves into bed by 8pm. I will enjoy lingering over a romantic dinner with my husband, catching glimpses of who we used to be. And if we feel like it, we'll take long slow walks in the snow, stopping to peek in store windows, sitting on benches and starting conversations with "remember that time when we...". Our little one has a knack for wearing us out these days, so it will be good to inflate the sails again, catch our breath, refresh and renew. What better place to get reinvigorated than the city that never sleeps. New York, here we come!

Photo by Vivian Maier, found here.

Almost Famous

Is that...? No, it can't be...

Photos of Chloe... photos of Chloe published in a BOOK!

Yes, my little pumpkin has taken her first step towards stardom, haha! All courtesy of this ol' blog. You see, I wrote this post and this post about our adventures with Baby Led Weaning and the UK author of the book contacted me. She liked my photos and wanted to know if I'd be interested in submitting photos for use in the new Baby Led Weaning cookbook they were putting together. Would I?? Umm, YES please! And that's how my daughter got published :)

Her photo is the first one in the book, right before the Contents, and the biggest in the book! I think she's pretty cute with her 7-month old chubby fingers & cowlick (though I may be biased!).

I can't say enough about BLW. It has been an easy and fascinating food journey for us over the last twelve months. From six months on, Chloe was able to feed herself solid foods. Because she was doing the feeding, and not us, her dexterity came early and quickly, she learned to judge portion sizes (and would push out any excess with her tongue), and we had no choking episodes at all. And now at 18 months, Chloe is an adventurous eater (her faves are sushi, anything with tomato sauce, and sweet potato). She is now transitioning to cutlery and is getting very good at using her fork and spoon at the same time.

If you'd like to know more about Baby-led Weaning, you can get the book here or pre-order the US version of the cookbook here. Now, quick, somebody get this kid an agent!*

* just joking. I have no desires to be a stage mom!

Fall Foto Fail

Last weekend, I tried to take some photos of Chloe amongst all the fall colours. All the pieces were in place... the sun was shining, HandyMan raked up a big pile of leaves for us, I took out the red chair to use as a prop, and Chloe was happy to wear her favourite polka dot sweater. I had visions of coming out with vibrant, happy photos that I could use for our holiday cards. Great plan, right?

Right. But someone should have told the 18-month old that getting these photos would actually require her to sit still. She didn't get the memo so here's the photos I got:


Sigh. I was at first a bit disappointed in these photos (we have so few sunny cloudless rainless days here in the fall so a reshoot is iffy!) but then I came across this post from Under The Sycamore and I realized something I hadn't seen before - these photos, while not perfect, truly capture "Chloe". Chloe is a busy busy busy bee. She is always running about, touching things, examining things, poking, prodding, shaking, throwing things. She never sits still. She thinks she is superwoman and will lift and push heavy objects. She is curious and fearless. A ball of energy and determination, all in a tiny 30", 20lbs package.


And I should celebrate that. Thanks ashleyann, for reminding me to take another peek through the lens and look for the true picture.

On Mothering: Where The Sidewalk Ends

I'm writing today's post in memory my dear friend Willow who passed away from cancer earlier this year. This Sunday, a group of us will gather once again in her honour to participate in the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation CIBC Run for the Cure. If you'd like to support us and our goal of working towards a future without breast cancer, please visit my donation page here.

This post is a little more personal, no dust or renos involved, so feel free to skip this one.


******************


Chloe and I reached a milestone of sorts last week but rather than jubilation, this milestone has left me a bit melancholy. After 17 months and 10 days, we've ended our breastfeeding journey.


I don't know how we quite ended up here, so far down this road. Before I was a mom, I knew I would breastfeed but I thought six months for sure, maybe a year, was how long this relationship would last. I just never thought breastfeeding was "my thing", so to speak. Unlike my sister who was a La Leche League advocate and extended breastfed her babies, I never felt that breastfeeding was something that came to me naturally. And now its gone and I feel inexplicably like a small piece of me is gone too.


I was luckier than most. Chloe latched easily, there were no supply issues, and I only had one bout of mastitis. I had no qualms about nursing in public (underneath a cover) and had a circle of friends whose homes I felt comfortable enough to nurse in too. So it has been the perfect supportive environment for this relationship to flourish.


But while I loved looking at Chloe's face, watching her fall off to sleep as she nursed, being able to calm her cries by just bringing her into me, watching her grow and thrive from my milk, it has been long and difficult too. No matter how much you love your child, this particular journey can at times make you feel confined, restricted, claustrophobic. When there is a helpless little one who demands to be fed every 1.5 hours you do it... though your other inclination may be to run, run far away. At those times, I would feel a twinge of guilt. How could I think such things? I was the one who brought helpless little one into the world and I knew full well what that would demand of me.


But there is more in the nature of breastfeeding than just the physical act of feeding your baby. And this is the part I was not prepared for. It literally forces you to give up a piece of your body, your space, your being, to someone else. I have grown accustomed to having ownership of my body so for such a precious baby to lay immediate and total claim to it was difficult. At times, she would own not only my body but my mind too, as I sat or lay there, counting the minutes, my mind filled with the million things I had to do, but not being able to move an inch. "Be in the moment" my sister would tell me. It could be so difficult to enjoy those moments when they ate up the better part of your hour, your day or your week.


Surrender. Sacrifice. That is what breastfeeding has taught me. To give wholly and completely. I guess in my selfish ways I never thought I'd be able to nor want to do that for so long. But I'm so glad I did. I appreciate that my body was able to do that and nourish my baby and give her the best start possible.


So this week, as I reminisce about my friend Willow and other women whose breasts failed them, I am thankful that mine did not fail me nor Chloe. Its time for us to get off this path, little girl, and step into a whole new direction.

In The Mundane

Sorry for the lack of posts this week but I've spent the last few days on vacation. Its been a great summer; we've enjoyed some fun staycations, exploring most of Southern Ontario. Why is it so much easier on vacation to take a deep breath, look around you, and notice all those little things that make life full and beautiful?

This post made me mindful of looking for those special mundane moments. Like how Chloe instinctually stiffened her body like a seasoned circus performer when her dad thrust her into the air...


...how fun it is to pose for goofy family photos...


...tasting juicy Gala apples, fresh off the tree...


...and watching C enjoy her first time in the hay.


I hope your summer was just as mundane and memorable!

(Vacation wasn't all fun and games. Watch for posts coming up on some of the projects we finished around the house!)

3 Years

It was three years ago today that HandyMan and I were married in a beautiful courtyard surrounded by all our family and friends. With each passing year, my love for him grows - love for him as a husband, and a provider and mate, and as a father - deepening and maturing.

The past year has been more difficult; adding children to the mix can do that. But the trials have made me more sure that I have the perfect partner for this wonderful journey.

Love you, S. xoxo J.

P.S. You can read more about our heavy-on-the-DIY wedding here, here, and here.

P.P.S. The traditional gift for a 3rd anniversary is leather. HandyMan's idea - "how about I take you out for a nice steak dinner instead?" This funny man surely knows his wife :)

Things To Do With Your Kid: #1 Pool Party

Did you ever, when you were young and single and doing something so fun, say to yourself "I want to do this with my own kid some day"? I did and usually it was about the simple things... baking cookies for Christmas, flying a kite, playing in the rain. Now that I have a kid, I get to relive those moments and check them off the list. This is one of those things:



Nothing beats hanging out by the pool in the shade...

maybe next time though the kid will realize she can't sit on the inflatable sides and won't accidentally soak me with pool water :)

At The Zoo

We took the little one out to the zoo for the first time this weekend. It was a sweltering hot day and we all wilted a little bit under the blazing sun. Even the animals were content to sit in the shade, or lie lazily on rocks.



But then we hit the splash pad and felt a bit more refreshed! Who knew the kid could run so fast on wet pavement?


She too was content to sit in the sun after and warm up.


Those long lashes and those big eyes...so many new things they've seen. It was a perfect day.

Things That Became Apparent After I Became A Parent Part II

Part I here.

1. 'Sleeping through the night' is a myth. If you do manage to get a few nights of uninterrupted sleep, baby will suddenly change it up by throwing in some teething, 2am play times, sickness or standing in her crib repeatedly, just to keep you on your toes.
   
   
2. Your toddler will be able to squeeze herself into spaces that seemingly only bunnies and tiny fairies could fit into.
   
   
3. Sometimes, your toddler will crawl faster than you can run.
   
   
4. It takes only a one-time showing for your toddler to learn a new bad habit.
   
   
5. Finding some "alone time" means spending five extra minutes in the shower.
   
   
6. Daddies come with an innate talent for throwing baby high up in the air and making her giggle uncontrollably.
   
   
7. Your little one may refuse to eat the healthy organic meal you spent an hour preparing but 10 mins later will instead choose to pick up and eat the kernels of rice that fell onto the floor.
   
   
8. Your toddler's first tricycle may be cooler than your first car.
   
   
9. Your toddler will know things and you will have no clue how they learned it.
   
   
10. There is nothing more heartwarming than seeing your parents play with your children.
    
    
11. No matter how hard you try and practice, "mama" will likely not be your baby's first word. However, she can say "dada", "dad" and "daddy" with perfect elocution.
    
    
12. Helpless babies turn into walking talking toddlers in the blink of an eye.

Any things you moms want to add to the list?

Happy Father's Day

To the two best dads I know...

On Motherhood: Up and Away

This, then, is the art of motherhood, and it is not an art of the mind: to hold on and let go, at the same time.
-- Her Bad Mother

This is where I am at these days. Chloe and I are in a new routine - I'm back at work (working from home luckily), and she is shuffled between daycare, Grandma, and home with mom or dad. Its a tough transition and the little one knows that she no longer has momma all to herself like she's had 24hours a day, 7 days a week for the past 13 months. So we struggle. Chloe has never been the clingy sort but these days there are times when she will wail if I put her down. Our nighttime routine is broken and we are muddling our way through sleepless nights peppered with comfort nursing and sobbing until we bring her into our bed. Sometimes I wish it all away and look forward to the days when Chloe is more independent, adjusted, weaned.

And then there are those times that I can't hold her close enough. That I can't wait to lay down beside her, hear her hum along as I sing her to sleep. These temporary moments are anchors in our day, quiet and still. The rest of the time is a whirlwind. She is a toddler alright, doing laps around the main floor, trying to squeeze herself under furniture, poking, prodding, tossing, eating, touching, roaming, yelling, laughing, examining, experimenting, discovering. I sit back and marvel at all the new things she's learned. But it breaks my heart just a little bit too to watch her grow up, watch her grow away.

********



*******

Read this.

Found via reader jbhat (thanks for the recommendation) and domestic reflections.

Happy Mother's Day

Wishing a Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there! Hope you are enjoying a day surrounded by your favourite people.

To my Mom, I hope to inherit your mad cooking skills, your youthful skin, and your grandmotherly super-powers. Thanks for being a great role model to me and Chloe.

xoxo

All Partied Out

Boy, things have been quiet around here. Sorry for the lack of posts lately but I've been consumed with party prep for the last week. It went great and I think all 60 of our guests had a good time! The little one was so excited she barely ate and didn't want to nap all day and now she's battling a cold, had a fever, and is teething BIG TIME. I swear, it looks like her molars will come in all at once!

So, its been a tiring few days around here. I'm still waiting for the party pics from my photographer/talented cousin so for now I'll leave you with this one little peek. Carpet is being installed in the bedroom next week so hopefully I'll have more reno progress to share with you soon.

To Chloe, On Her Birthday

Our little Chloe is one year old today! Incredible.

I've tried to write this post a few times but I’m not even sure what I want to say. There’s so much about this year that I want to remember. Even the hard and trying times - the getting up every two hours, the first illnesses, the endless breastfeeding, the poop explosions, and the freakouts (yours and mine) – I want to remember it all. But I realize that I need to let some part of that go, to make room for new memories.

You’ve made us grow in the best of ways, Chloe. You bring out the fun and playful side of your dad and you’ve taught your mom to be nurturing and patient. How can that be, a tiny little person changing the trajectory of our lives so much? I still look at you and am amazed that you’re ours. What a privilege it is to watch you discover this world. Do all parents get to experience this? How lucky are we!

You are such a big girl now. I can’t look at you today without getting a tear in my eye. I have loved becoming your mom and watching you become you. So today is a celebration for you but its also a celebration for me and your dad… we’ve survived, we’ve grown, we’ve become a family. Thank you for that sweet girl.

xoxo,

Mom & Dad

Chloe at 1:

• has taken her first steps alone (yesterday!)
• is smiley and friendly
• loves to play peek-a-boo
• is a fish in water
• can throw a ball overhead one-handed
• loves broccoli and cauliflower and quinoa
• is petite and will forever be rolling up her pantlegs, just like mom
• would rather sing than babble
• isn’t sleeping through the night
• loves when Lolo and Lola babysit her
• knows where her eyes, head and nose are
• likes hanging out with the big kids
• prefers to feed herself
• can drink out of a cup without the sippy
  
• lets us know when she has to do #2
• has 8 teeth
• does not like to be cuddled tightly
• loves to dance with her dad
• is a baby no longer!

On Parenthood: Possibility

This is a house in my neighbourhood.

And this is the elementary school at the end of my street.

The Prime Minister of Canada, Stephen Harper, grew up in that house and attended that school. And one day, my little Chloe will attend that school too.

I have no illusions that Chloe will grow up to be Prime Minister, but finding out those interesting facts about my 'hood really made me stop in my tracks. If some boy can grow up in the same place I am raising my child and become the leader of our country... what can my little girl grow up to be?

As a child, my parents instilled in me the belief that I could do and become anything I wanted to be, no matter my race, sex, height (or lack thereof!), age, or colour. I didn't realize it at the time, but my parents gave me so many experiences and exposed me to many things, just to show me that the world was indeed my oyster. I have fond memories of my dad piling up the neighbourhood kids in our station wagon and taking us to the Lions Club swimming pool and asking for the Family rate for this mis-matched gaggle of children. And our summer barbeques where we would roast a whole pig in a pit in our backyard, my uncles explaining the delicacy of crispy pig skin to our curious neighbours. Or how we would dress up in our finest clothes and go to watch the symphony at Roy Thompson Hall (and I would notice at intermission that we were the only immigrant family about. This was the 1970's afterall). I asked my dad once why we did all those things, why my parents seemed to go out of their way to expose us to so many varied and different experiences, and he said "Because I never wanted you to grow up thinking you couldn't do those things."

Finding out about the Prime Minister brought me back to that thought. These days, the things Chloe can't do are becoming more a part of my parenting her... don't touch this, don't eat that, don't climb there, hold on, be careful, be safe. Its a natural instinct to want to protect your child, but I was reminded that sometimes I need to push her and support her, beyond my own comfort zone.

Chloe's personality is really starting to shine through. She is a social butterfly in her music and swimming classes, always smiling at the sight of other babies, wanting to touch them and play with them. She is loud and happy, clapping, splashing, making noise! And so much energy and curiousity she has; I am forever chasing after her, trying to get her to pay attention or sit still but most often letting her explore and crawl about. I see other mothers giving me that look, feeling so lucky that they have a quiet docile baby and not this rambunctious lively handful. In a word, Chloe is so different from me as a child :) And that is the challenge. I don't want to constrain my child and limit her experience of the world because of my own inhibitions. I don't want my fears to become her fears, by default.

I need to believe that yes, my daughter could become Prime Minister. That is a possibility. The little boy down the street taught me that. And as her mother, her first teacher, and her greatest nurturer, my role is to instill that belief in her too. We give our children many gifts, but the most wonderful of these is opportunity.

Go exploring, Chloe-belle. I'll be here to catch you if you fall.

Wendy

My friend Willow (Wendy was her real name) passed away yesterday after a 5 year battle with cancer. If you've been reading my blog for a while, you'll know that Wendy was one of those people you encounter only once in a lifetime. She was and is a huge inspiration to everyone who met her. I have never met anyone who was so strong and positive in the face of enormous suffering. Beneath my deep sadness, I am happy that now Wendy is now free of pain. The last time I saw her, she spent over an hour just playing on the floor with Chloe, laughing and giggling, playing peek-a-boo, making silly faces. How much energy and happiness they gave one another! In those moments I saw the circle of life, there in my house, in the glow of the afternoon sun.


Two years ago, just before Wendy started her next round of chemo treatments, she decided to cut off all her hair. She wanted to donate her long locks before the drugs made her hair thin and fall out in patches. That was Wendy, always thinking of how to help others even when she had little to give. So in my empty kitchen, before my new cabinets were installed, Wendy sat in a chair and let me cut her hair. I had never cut anyone's hair before so I was nervous, not wanting to nip her or ruin the hair donation! It was difficult for both of us, but we got through, the sound of our tears and our laughter bouncing off the walls of that big empty room.

Someday soon, I will probably be in the kitchen again, with Chloe in a high chair waiting for me to cut her hair. And I will think back to that day with Wendy and I will tell Chloe the story of her Aunty that left this world too soon.

I've spent the better part of the last day looking at old photographs and reading old emails. In one, Wendy had quoted something I once said to her: "God created our life as a package. We cannot pick and choose only to go through the good and happy times, but we have to live the bad and unhappy moments, to experience life as a whole. We need to embrace life, good and bad and live it to its fullest. I believe only through that, can we truly know what life is all about." And she did. She lived a full life. She embraced her cancer and used it as motivation to tell her family and friends how much she loved them every day; to volunteer her accounting skills to nonprofit organizations when she no longer had the energy to work a full-time job; to ride 200km in two days to support cancer research; to be positive and optimistic and talk of the future and be an inspiration for others in their own battles; to epitomize strength and love and caring; and to truly take this gift given by God, this one life, and eke every last moment out of it.

Thank you Wendy for walking through my life. I can't wait to see you again someday.

Rest now, Wendy. xoxo.

OALASWI

Happy OALASWI Day, Chloe! Out As Long As She Was In...40 weeks less one day - that's how old you are now. And my how you've grown...

You are a sweet child, so good to me and your dad. You are curious and fun and a joy to have around. You're crawling all about now and will try to pull up on the furniture, so long as mommy is there to catch you if you fall. A natural water-baby you are; you love your swimming classes, always splashing about and showing no fear when being dunked in the water. You love to play with your toys especially the ones that you can bang together to make some noise, and reading books with your dad is one of your favourite things.

You have a friendly nature and always laugh and smile at other babies. I see you trying to keep up with your older cousins, crawling and rolling about more in their presence. When you make your mind up, you do it! Your independent streak is already starting to show :) We're still working on sleeping through the night, but you nap great during the day, feed yourself well, and even let me know when you need to go to the bathroom. You're going up way too fast sweetie, and your mom gets all sad at the thought that you will soon be one and no longer a baby. But that's okay, because you're doing what you have to do. Grow, little girl, grow.

xoxo